This was a statement made at a recent training I attended. The invitation implies that you are welcome, wanted, and encouraged to join those already sitting.
How many of us spend precious energy talking ourselves out of that invitation.
Today, more than ever, we feel separated, without connections, living with loneliness and forlorn. These doubts often rule us and impact our lives in ways that might take decades to weed through.
I am too different. They won’t like me. I think differently. They wouldn’t understand my past, my present, my choices, my trauma…
Before you sit at the table, do you feel you must introduce your quirks to the group? I do. Over the past 5 months, I have had multiple provider-level job interviews where I have been asked many ‘get to know you’ questions. Below are my answers to the ‘Tell us something about yourself that you would want to change or that makes you feel uncomfortable’ questions.
“Sorry, sometimes I say what I am thinking. I am a bit spectrum and I don’t always catch cues. I’m not very good with big change. I do get overstimulated sometimes, but if you give me a minute it gets better. I’m not always good with authority, I might complain first.”
One of my interviews started with a pretty hefty game of phone tag. When we finally connected, the other person was light-hearted completely disarming. We laughed about our game, and they expressed how glad they were that we finally met. I felt welcomed at that table.
Contrast that with the moments we have walked into a room without engagement. It doesn’t take long for those negative feelings to come up, for the excuses to pile high, and for your mind to convince you that you are not welcome. We have all been there. We assume the lack of welcome is judgment.
I have literally had to repeat to myself, “No one is talking about me. No one is judging me. I am worthy to be here.”
I envy those who have the confidence to welcome themselves to the table. I am grateful for those who look for a moment to connect. Those who wave you to a seat, welcome you with a smile, come up and say hello. I have been blessed to have people who genuinely welcome me to sit with them when I do not feel the need to explain why I don’t belong.
It is really amazing what a smile can do. How a glance can disarm. The priceless act of grace pushes back against self-judgment and doubt. I can only hope that at some time in my life, I can offer a sincere invitation and help someone feel the belonging that has been gifted to me.
Luckily for us, there are those that grab our hand and pull us in before we can turn away.
Next time you are invited to sit, just sit. Forget the excuses, don’t worry about the purpose of the invitation, ignore the doubt. Sit. It is the only way to know if these are your people. It is the only way to find out if this is your place. If it doesn’t work out, then focus on creating your table of belonging. Work to surround yourself with those you want to sit with. Be the smile, the welcoming glance, the outstretched arm. Create your place to fit in, and you won’t have to doubt if you belong.
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